M is for Moving

I'm tired of moving. I didn't do much of it for 16 years, but I've made up for that now in adulthood!

The Journey of Me.....

Small beginnings in Muncie, Indiana--only moved when I was 16 temporarily to my grandma's for a couple of years. Then to an apt (sort of) for a minute with my mom before college.

Then it was off to inhabit English Hall at Taylor University for the next 3 1/2 years!  Room 337 was the one I was in sophomore-senior years with a different roommate each year.  Good memories!

The summer after my sophomore year I spent a month living in beautiful Highlands, NC with my buddy Katy.

In 2001, I lived in Englewood, FL for the summer with my friend Jenn and her parents. It was a blast and I enjoyed the better (albeit sweaty!) weather!

In January of 2002 when I was done at TU, I moved to the big city of Atlanta to throw myself into adulthood. Luckily my sister already lived there, and I wasn't too terribly overwhelmed (ok, I pretty much was). We moved twice in Atlanta.

After 2 1/2 years in Atlanta, it was time to spread my wings and explore the mean streets of Hollywood. This proved to be the most substantial move thus far in my life. I grew up abundantly, got a great job (after some not so great ones) that I'm still doing, and went to more concerts than I knew what to do with. I moved 4 times in LA.

In June of 2010 I made the move to the east bay, about 45 minutes outside of San Francisco. It was a rough year and a half honestly. Arthur had his major surgeries (ka-ching, ka-ching!). I got into a groove working a ton as a nanny on top of my assistant work that I did remotely. All in all, it was exhausting! But, Cooper and I took the plunge and got engaged in May 2011 and married on 8/20/11 in Monterey, CA so good things definitely came out of moving to that area. We made some awesome friends (this means you, Joe and Jen!) who we miss already!

And now here we are. Sigh. In beautiful Bend, Oregon. I haven't felt this content in a very long time. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It feels like I am meant to be here with my guy and my dog. Our house is wonderful (thank God for skype!). We didn't even see it before we got here. Now, that is a RISK...but it worked out wonderfully. We are happy and thankful and easing into a new way of life as Oregonians.

And I hope to not move again for a long long long time. :)

A Current Affair

I have been thinking about friendship as I sit here on this plane heading to Chicago to see my girls for our weekend (obviously, I am not currently sitting on the plane...but this is what I wrote as I was...). I seem to think about this quite often and write about it too, I suppose. But I think friendship is one of the most important gifts we have been given in this life.

True intimacy in relationships doesn't just happen. It takes work...but it can be so incredibly rewarding. Personally, I won't settle for surface relationships. Life is too short to not share who you really are with those you care about.

Our first spring break trip together--1999! Ft Lauderdale, FL

The friends I am headed to see have known me since I was 19. What a difference a decade can make (ok, ok, a decade plus 2)! But what I have learned you HAVE to do to keep that solid connection is that you have to stay CURRENT. Talking about the past, reminiscing, etc. are great, don't get me wrong. But that alone isn't enough to maintain a friendship through the years. You have to know about each other's lives NOW. As people we change daily. Thinking your friends stay exactly the same is completely unrealistic. Look in the emotional mirror and then let your friends fill you in on how they've grown up too.

Moving around like I have, I have had to make new friends quite a bit. When I first moved to LA, it felt as if the people I was meeting played "hard to get." People seemed gun shy or hurt by past friendships and relationships. This made it so much harder to go deeper with people. But one thing being at TU taught me was that community is crucial to life. It makes sense that we protect our hearts, but not at the expense of getting to know people.

Singing Backstreet Boys with complete choreography is a blast. Quoting "10 Things I hate About you"...also fun. But so is just sitting around, getting my girls' input on things I am struggling with. I have friends that I desperately want to be close with, but maybe they don't know how good it can be to be open and share who you are. And that holds us back from really truly connecting. It makes me sad that some people I know haven't let themselves have friendships like the ones I am blessed to have.

All I can say is that it's worth it. Push yourself and realize life can be fulfilling when you have people who know the real you doing life alongside you (even if they are thousands of miles away). So thankful for my friends! Girls, you challenge me and love me. It's priceless to know that I have you in my life.

So, I got married...

and it was awesome! It was just what we pictured and what we wanted. Arthur did an incredible job as our ring bearer. I had no idea how he'd do on sand, but he was a natural! Everything was relaxed and romantic. This new chapter is full of excitement and possibilities, and I'm enjoying all of those feelings! <3

First dance to our song "Inside of Love" on the beach

For the love of music....
The rings :)

Monterey, CA made for a perfect back-drop

The BEST ringbearer ever

Happiness

Officially a family! Very happy about it! :)

fun story from tonight

So tonight, 3 year old E is trying to cram her feet into a pair of too-small cowboy boots while she watches Jeopardy before bed. We all need a pair of boots on for tv viewing in bed, right??

Anyway, she manages to get the left boot on somehow but tells me "My toes are like this" and curls her fist up into a ball. Ya, thought that might happen. She asks for my help getting the other boot on but we can't manage to get it past her ankle properly. Our conversation follows.

E: How old are you?

me: 31

E: When is your birthday?

me: Remember, it's 2 days after yours. February 15th.

E: Oh. how old will you be then?

me: 32

E: do you think when you turn 32 you will be able to get this boot on for me?

Ahhahahahaha. I laughed hysterically and she looked at me as if to say, "Well, do ya?" :)

A life gone too soon

Yesterday I got terrible news. My friend from growing up, Nettie Peterson, had been murdered. She was shot and killed in the early morning hours. I couldn't believe it. It began to sink in, and all day I was in a sort of daze. This is the type of thing you hear about...but is the type of thing you don't imagine happening to someone you know.

Nettie was the type of person everyone loved. And I'm not just saying that. Our school, HHCS, was small--I had a class of 24 and that was BIG. Everyone knew everyone and had for years. Nettie's laugh was infectious, and she was always smiling. People say flippantly "her smile could light up the room" but with Nettie that statement is completely true. Looking through her pictures on facebook yesterday, it was clear she always made it a point to put on a happy face. Her blue eyes sparkling and a big ol' grin on her face...that is how I will remember her.

I woke up at 5:23 am this morning and found myself wide awake for an hour just thinking about Nettie and praying for her family. Our family had 3 girls, me being the youngest; their family had 3 girls with Nettie as the youngest. In jr. high, I have some great memories from sleepovers and movie nights with her. We even fought over the same boy...she won. :) If a jr. high friendship can survive that, I think it can survive anything. I found myself remembering her handwriting from the illegal notes we would pass in school in the hallways between classes. She had such pretty cursive handwriting--almost perfectly formed. I'm sure I probably even have some of her notes at my Mom's apartment in Muncie.

In the early morning hours, I realized I was thankful for Facebook. It has made me feel part of a community rallying around the Petersons and Nettie's kids. Even from the east bay outside of San Francisco, I feel like I am a part of supporting this family hurting back in Muncie, IN. That is special. It also gave me the chance to see and feel like I "knew" Nettie's children even though I never met them. She was in love with being a mom. It was clear throughout every post, every statement of pride about those kids. She loved her family with an intensity few possess. As sisters, they were like peas in a pod. Even in adulthood when life gets busy, I know without a doubt that they were not just sisters, but best friends. I can't even imagine the hurt that Natalie and Nici are feeling...as well as their kids at this loss. Emptiness.

I was also able to be a part of Nettie's life these last few years even though I haven't lived in Muncie since Feb. 2002. About 6 months ago when she was going through her separation, I sent her a message, reaching out. I remembered when our family imploded--how people often didn't know what to say, so they didn't say anything. It can be a very lonely time. I told Nettie that if she needed to chat at any time that I was there. We wrote back and forth a few times, but the gist of what she said was that she didn't feel alone because she had such a wonderful family. It was great to hear that!

It is so senseless. My mind doesn't even really know what to do with the news articles and details coming out. All I know to do is to pray for everyone involved that God would heal their hearts and comfort them. Absolutely everyone involved is hurting right now. I'm frustrated over the tiny detail that they keep calling her by her legal first name, Lisa, in all the news articles. It's just not her if you use that name. But I know that doesn't matter. What matters is that she is at peace. The hurt is for us here left behind. Even if you don't know them, please say a prayer over this situation. It cuts to the core for many many people.

Nettie, you will be missed by your HHCS community, your family, your work friends, and especially your children. But I am confident that your legacy will live on through them and that they will know that without a doubt, their mother was a strong, classy, funny, intelligent woman who loved them with all she had. So sorry you are gone, friend.

I love to laugh...ah ha ha ha!

A Cheerio smiley face--this is what I'm talking about

"I once knew a guy with a wooden leg named Smith"
"What's the name of his other leg??"


I really think that song in Mary Poppins had it right. Lately life has been a little heavy. It has been raining mucho. When I wake up and it's dark outside and then I walk out in the rain...oh Lordy, help me. Makes me want to curl up on the couch in a blanket with a cup of coffee and a good movie. But life goes on in the rain and in the sun.

I have been spending the majority of my awake hours with adorable children. And it is pretty much impossible to not spend a lot of that time laughing as we play with ridiculous toys (cue me thinking about a lady in a recording studio having to use such a sing-songy voice to sing "Old MacDonald" or whatever terrible song the toy plays) and crawl around the house. Imagination is a wonderful thing. Yesterday I played "wrong house". The premise of this is I knock on the door (to one of the rooms inside the house) and an adorable 3 year old girl answers. I ask for someone--yesterday it was "Ted." She says, "wrong house!" Isn't that enjoyable?? We played it for a long time. Ha. We also played "waitress." The highlight of that game was that my 3 year old waitress kept trying to stand on her head so it became a new game--"upside down waitress!" How can I stay gloomy when that is what my life is about? Ha.

Luckily also, I have a boy with a wild and vivid imagination that has pushed me to be much weirder and come up with very strange scenarios a lot of the time in conversation. Life may be heavy sometimes, but it is never never dull. :)

Another year, and I'm still here

I'm 31. Wait, that can't be right, can it? Ya, I guess it is. Born in 1980...31 in 2011.

This year was low-key and nice. We always did little bdays growing up. Mom would make a cake shaped like whatever we wanted and our grandparents would come over. Because KT and I have bdays 6 days apart we always celebrated together. This year, Mom mailed me the tablecloth she embroidered with all my cakes over the years.

The only cake I have a clear memory of is the 3 carrots when I turned...you guessed it, 3! :) I think KT had a rabbit so my carrots went along with that theme. We took the cakes to Grandma Gerty and Boppa's house to celebrate. Before I'd blown my candles out (honestly I don't think they'd even been lit yet), my Uncle Bob ate one of my carrots. THE WHOLE THING! I was inconsolable. For a 3 year old, that was probably one of the worst things an adult could do. I remember saying to my mom, "But I'm not 2, I'm 3! 2 carrots doesn't work." Bad move, Bob...bad move. Obviously I've gotten over it 28 years later. Ha.

I like this quote about age:

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."

-Billie Burke, actress

or

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

-Mark Twain

Life is happy, and even when it's not, I am happy. There is love all around me...just like in Love Actually. :) Just look at the tiny snowman C made in Tahoe. Seconds after this photo, I was viciously hit with aforementioned snowman. :)

This hat was for sale in the grocery store. We did not buy it. But doesn't it look smashing?

Beautiful Tahoe. I've said it before, and I'll say it again--I will never tire of looking at mountains as a kid raised in the land of flat (aka Indiana). They are amazing and breathtaking.

A boy and his dog. The water was gorgeous. C almost fell in when a pile of rocks he was playing on slid. But he jumped to safety and remained dry. :)

dinner out at a new restaurant with some friends. The waitress botched the cake surprise, but we still had a great time!

Boundaries or the lack thereof

I am reading this book, and it has been a big eye-opener for me. I was taught many things as a child and young adult, but I was not taught that having boundaries isn't a bad thing. I think I viewed boundaries as closing yourself off, not being open, being unfriendly. Soooo not the case. In fact, I have done myself a severe disservice by not having the right boundaries in place with friends, family, and relationships over the years. Now as I'm older, I feel like I'm resetting myself and there is no quick reset button. But it feels good to learn about it. I recommend it to anyone who realizes they have unrealistic expectations in relationships or feel that they aren't getting their needs met. Maybe the other person has NO idea what those needs are. This is also written by Christian authors, so it comes from a Biblical viewpoint which I found to be helpful.

Had I known about all of this earlier (in high school, for instance), I do not think I would have stayed in such an unhealthy relationship. My ego was so busted (not good grammar, I know, but it fits) by the end of that relationship when I was 19 that it has only just now been rebuilt. Seeing what a healthy relationship is has allowed me to see how incredibly unhealthy that high school situation was. I saw my value in how "he" treated me--obviously I wasn't worth much. Oh how I wish I could hug my little high school self sometimes and say, "Move on! There is someone so much better for you out there." Instead I hung on fearfully trying to make it work for 3 1/2 years.

I also place these expectations on my friends. Sometimes "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" can bite you in the booty. It is not that doing things a certain way is bad....it is that those friends do not realize you expect certain things from them. Your example is not enough to get the identical response. We always tell kids who are whining or crying, "use your words!" Well, maybe we need to do that more as adults too.

One point made in the book struck a chord with me. I'm paraphrasing--In the process of setting up healthy boundaries, you may lose some people in your life. But you may also realize that those relationships were gone already.

To me that made me turn inward and reevaluate some of my friendships. As we get older and move further from one another (some of us---some of us stay put...me, I can't stay put), this gets harder. We can't just stop in or grab a cup of coffee together. Friendship takes effort. A phone call can make up for the months of months of not seeing one another. A call back could mean the world to someone. I understand that communication is a HUGE deal to me and is not to some people. If I don't make those needs known, then I am my own worst enemy.

So this is me challenging myself to spend the next few months (or years...we'll see) finding that reset button and only "settling" for healthy relationships. I shall be the master of my domain.

I recommend this book and would love to talk to anyone about it who has an interest.

Been a long time, glad to see your face....

I have been MIA in the blogging world. It's been a pretty complicated couple of months as a dogmother. It sounds weird, but that's what I am.

In my last post, we were hoping that Art didn't have to have surgery. That was not the case unfortunately. We had gone to 3 different vet offices for 4 visits total by the time it was diagnosed properly. The last vet visit was HORRIBLE. Art was not on any pain meds, and the vet pulled his neck up to strain it to the point that my doggie yelped and yelped and yelped and started shaking. It was awful. Finally Cooper said, "Can you give him a shot of something for pain? He is not on anything right now." It was NOT going to be the doctor for us after that, that's for sure. Through a recommendation, we went to really amazing doctor (who we all loved, Art included). There was even a big painting of a boxer in the waiting room which I took as a great sign. :) They sent us to another office to get an MRI done of the neck. Poor loopy Art was so funny. We were in the recovery room with him as he came to and he would randomly lift his head with his tongue completely out and look around with this super confused face. It was adorable and kind of heart-wrenching at the same time.

After the good doc looked at the MRI it was clear to all of us that Art needed surgery. He had a ruptured disc in his spine. I was worried but also relieved. It was so frustrating to not know what was wrong and to know that he was in intense pain that caused him to yelp randomly. Below is the MRI---the spinal cord was being pushed on with all that excess material from the rupture disc.

We scheduled the surgery for the next day. He had to stay over night (sadness..didn't know that until I dropped him off). The next day was my first day at a new nanny job so I couldn't even go to pick up the doggie. When C went to get him, they told him that they wanted to keep an eye on him longer. Cue me being stressed. Turns out that when he was coming out of the anesthesia, his heart started racing to the point of almost stopping. The doctor told me "he tried to die." Scary. :( Thankfully they got him back and calmed down. Cooper had the nurse take his iphone to the back and snap a picture of Art so I could at least see that he was ok. 10 boyfriend points for that.

He came home and within a couple of days was back to normal....so amazing how animals do that. He did however (because my dog can't do anything about his poor tongue length) have chapped tongue. Haha. I think it had been sticking out for 48 hours and it was all dry. We used a syringe to try to get some moisture on it. Hilarious.

He makes every day happy for me, and that is the reason I did not care that this was an expensive surgery with expensive tests. I love him. He is worth every penny...even the ones I spent this week on his dental surgery. Sigh. Art, you are a lucky pup! This is us on Thanksgiving morning. I was feeling very thankful to have my buddy home and healthy!