A little down time

It seems like life has been go, go, go ever since moving. The summer was spent moving in and getting acclimated and kicking my booty into better shape. Then came Oregon, then Washington, then girls' weekend in Minnesota.

I just got back Sunday night after a hellish return flight (the short story= delayed flight by an hour, then a "weight critical" aircraft which caused 4 people to get kicked off the plane, 30 min longer delay, middle seat that didn't recline because the button was broken, then a missed exit on the way home...home at 2:20 am which was 4:20 am minnesota time). But the weekend was wonderful. Seeing my college girls always leaves me feeling refreshed and loved. I am blessed.

And the next trip I have isn't until mid-December when I will be in Devon's wedding in NC.

So for now I am at home dealing with my doggie. Down time. And time being down. :( Art had been acting funny back at the end of September. Took him to the vet and he had a terrible ear infection and a gum issue. By the end of that same week he was SOOOOO much worse and exhibiting very non-Arthur behavior--hanging his head down low, barely walking around, yelping. It was pretty sad to see especially when I had no idea what was wrong. Second vet visit pinpointed the pain to his neck. Steroid shot, loads of pills...he was doing better.

This week he was back to feeling poorly. Went to a specialist today and we are kind of in a holding pattern until we can get him a CT scan, but he yelped loudly in the office as she messed with his neck. Poor guy. It breaks my heart every time I hear that noise. He is such an amazing creature and has shown me so much unconditional love in the 6 years he has been my buddy. I like my dog more than I like most people. He is always there with a wagging tail and a toy in his mouth. He tries to sit on my lap when I'm on the floor (even though he weighs 71 lbs.) and loves to cuddle. I love coming home to his wrinkly face.

So I'm hoping the docs can help him not be in pain. For now, he's back to being on lots of drugs. He got a methadone shot today--hardcore stuff for my baby. :( I just want him to be comfortable and healed.

My coffee cup from Caribou said "be the person your dog thinks you are." I think that's a pretty good goal. Arthur loves me no matter what--and I feel the same, buddy!

Apples to oranges: the mental fight against comparison

I was sitting by the pool at the gym a few weeks ago with my boyfriend and randomly asked him, "do you compare yourself to other guys very often?". He thought about it, and said "no, not really". I have often wondered about this and if it really is a female phenomenon. I know that personally I compare myself to those around me all the time even though I know I shouldn't. It just happens. Especially at the gym I look around and think, "ugh, her legs are soooo skinny!" and torment myself with unhealthy comparisons.

I honestly don't know why I do this so much. It is not a conscious thing. And I know it is not a good thing. What standard am I trying to live up to? Is it the Victoria's Secret model who barely has hip bones? Because if so, I am NEVER gonna get there. I looked in the mirror in the suite in English hall one day my sophomore year and realized I had hips. Ugh!! Why? Ha. But since then--no going back..I've got hips. Gotta live with it.

How good is good enough? Will I ever stop comparing myself if I am not consciously doing it to begin with? I'd like to try. In the last few months I have tried desperately to rid my life of negativity and to find the good in the situations around me. It is definitely not always easy. But I know these negative thoughts about myself and my body are not right.

So now I am standing up to make an effort to stop the thoughts before they are something I focus on. It is going to be hard. We are inundated with advertisements and models on magazine covers and celebrities claiming it is easy to lose baby weight (this is a bridge I have not crossed yet but I know it's not true unless you have full-time nannies and a personal trainer and a chef ;)).

I am who I am. I can tweak and adjust and maintain a healthy lifestyle. But I cannot buy a bone shaver and get rid of my hips even though I have day dreamed about it. So this is me. And I am going to try to look in the mirror with fresh eyes. Who is with me?