I wrote this on Tuesday on my flight...just now getting a chance to post it.
The lost art of courtesy and manners--
When I was a child, I knew to act a certain way. My parents, more specifically my mother, ingrained in me a sense of what is acceptable behavior and what is the right way to treat those we encounter.
When I was a child, I knew to act a certain way. My parents, more specifically my mother, ingrained in me a sense of what is acceptable behavior and what is the right way to treat those we encounter.
This morning as I traveled, I was reminded that many parents are failing their children in this aspect. While on the Airtrain traveling to my terminal at SFO, a little boy rolled his suitcase right over my pinky toe. Youch! I am in flip-flops. Maybe he didn't notice, but his mom saw me wince and said nothing. Nothing to me and nothing to her son.
Our flight was delayed, and I had a rather pleasant conversation with a fellow traveler while we waited to begin boarding. She was around my age AND has a boxer. She also worked at Starbucks and went to a small liberal arts college. Ha. Small world.
As we lined up to board, Southwest style, another little boy walked past me to get to his dad. He bumped into my arm causing my purse to swing violently and then smack back into my side. No reaction whatsoever. Not from him. Not from his dad. It Is a sad reality, this sense of "I'm the only person who matters". It is a mentality that sadly seems to run deep.
The south to me will always be a place that handles manners well. Yes, being called "ma'am" in my teens seemed a bit premature, but at the same time, respecting other people in your world is nice to see.
Growing up, going out to eat was a rare treat. My grandparents would take us on Friday nights--not every week, but it was something we looked forward to a great deal. One Friday (I don't remember where we were) I had to go to the restroom mid-meal. I was old enough to go on my own, but small enough to fit under the table. As I walked
past my mother after ducking underneath the table, she pulled me to her and said "I don't want to see you ever do that again. You are out at a restaurant, and it is impolite to go under the table. Next time I want to see you say 'excuse me' to the person beside you. Understand?". I nodded. At the time, I remember thinking "what's the big deal?" but it still had a way of sinking in. I get it now. She was setting a precedent. Going under the table was not proper. I needed to know how to act when we were out around other people.
Our flight was delayed, and I had a rather pleasant conversation with a fellow traveler while we waited to begin boarding. She was around my age AND has a boxer. She also worked at Starbucks and went to a small liberal arts college. Ha. Small world.
As we lined up to board, Southwest style, another little boy walked past me to get to his dad. He bumped into my arm causing my purse to swing violently and then smack back into my side. No reaction whatsoever. Not from him. Not from his dad. It Is a sad reality, this sense of "I'm the only person who matters". It is a mentality that sadly seems to run deep.
The south to me will always be a place that handles manners well. Yes, being called "ma'am" in my teens seemed a bit premature, but at the same time, respecting other people in your world is nice to see.Growing up, going out to eat was a rare treat. My grandparents would take us on Friday nights--not every week, but it was something we looked forward to a great deal. One Friday (I don't remember where we were) I had to go to the restroom mid-meal. I was old enough to go on my own, but small enough to fit under the table. As I walked
past my mother after ducking underneath the table, she pulled me to her and said "I don't want to see you ever do that again. You are out at a restaurant, and it is impolite to go under the table. Next time I want to see you say 'excuse me' to the person beside you. Understand?". I nodded. At the time, I remember thinking "what's the big deal?" but it still had a way of sinking in. I get it now. She was setting a precedent. Going under the table was not proper. I needed to know how to act when we were out around other people.
When my mom visited LA last Christmas, we went out to eat at a nice Mexican restaurant. It was my mom, my sister and myself. I sat on the bench seat that ran the length of the restaurant (essentially everyone on that wall was seated on the same bench). The table next to us was about 5-7 feet away. At that table sat a mom and dad and a little girl of about 4. Unfortunately for our dining experience, the parents wanted to be on a date. The little girl was ALL over the place the entire meal. She ran across the bench seat to our table at least 15 times yelling "hi," and then giggling. I love kids. I said hello the first two times--then it got irritating. This was not her fault. For one she obviously needed attention and wasn't getting it from her parents who were mesmerized and staring at each other like teenagers. Love is beautiful. Enjoy your date---just decide whether that means you should maybe leave your daughter at home with a babysitter! Secondly, she was obviously not taught how to behave at a restaurant. The little girl ran under
a large sculpture that was suspended from the ceiling nearly tipping 2 waiters on her way there and back.
Finally they were ready to go home. One problem--by this point, the little girl's shoe was missing. Guess where
her dad eventually found it? Oh ya, 6 feet away under our table where it must have fallen off during one of her
"hello" drive-bys.Saying "thank you" and "please" and "excuse me" should be taught as a way to respect those around you. I would say my generation isn't great at this. But I think the generations that have followed are even worse. We have to make it a priority to teach manners. How does this generation talk so much about being "disrespected" in the midst of being completely disrespectful in life?! It makes no sense.
People matter. Our actions have consequences. For this reason I have begun to yell at traffic differently. My go-to phrases are "hurry, darling" or "that was a poor choice". :). This is more for me than anyone else. No one can hear me from the safety of my own vehicle. But I feel more polite and less angry. It is the small things. Granted part of this might be that I have moved out of LA (traffic central) and to the bay.
a large sculpture that was suspended from the ceiling nearly tipping 2 waiters on her way there and back.
Finally they were ready to go home. One problem--by this point, the little girl's shoe was missing. Guess where
her dad eventually found it? Oh ya, 6 feet away under our table where it must have fallen off during one of her
"hello" drive-bys.Saying "thank you" and "please" and "excuse me" should be taught as a way to respect those around you. I would say my generation isn't great at this. But I think the generations that have followed are even worse. We have to make it a priority to teach manners. How does this generation talk so much about being "disrespected" in the midst of being completely disrespectful in life?! It makes no sense.
People matter. Our actions have consequences. For this reason I have begun to yell at traffic differently. My go-to phrases are "hurry, darling" or "that was a poor choice". :). This is more for me than anyone else. No one can hear me from the safety of my own vehicle. But I feel more polite and less angry. It is the small things. Granted part of this might be that I have moved out of LA (traffic central) and to the bay.
So I guess my point is to start small with your kids. Explain that if we want to be treated a certain way, we have to treat others that way too. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Seems simple. Make it second nature to them. Lead by example. I have tried to do this with the little humans in my life up to this point (nanny jobs and babysitting). And when it is my own children I will up the ante.
I realize just how much responsibility this is for parents, but who else is going to instill this in your children? I don't think it is worth waiting until they go to school. Train up a child...right? Right!
The me me me mentality just has to go away. It is a terrible way to function. I have been trying to push myself to be less snarky and put myself in other people's shoes (especially when they are cute shoes)...
I realize just how much responsibility this is for parents, but who else is going to instill this in your children? I don't think it is worth waiting until they go to school. Train up a child...right? Right!
The me me me mentality just has to go away. It is a terrible way to function. I have been trying to push myself to be less snarky and put myself in other people's shoes (especially when they are cute shoes)...
2 comments:
You hit the nail on the head with this one. Too many people think they are in a reality show and that they are the star and the world revolves around them. Many parents don't teach their children manners because they themselves don't seem to possess them. I am dreading my upcoming flight too, because I know a child will kick the back of my chair the entire flight, while the parent is oblivious or someone behind me will also use my chair as a chinup bar when they get up to use the bathroom, while I am trying to sleep. I took a cruise once and was appalled to see that my very own friends at my table- let their toddler wander thru the formal dining room under people's tables, they thought it was cute and that people enjoyed it. Somehow I doubt they did, especially the wait staff that was trying to work. Sadly, I doubt the next generation's manners will reappear...but one can hope.
i totally agree. I make cade say "yes ma'm" . I totally think that this generation of parents don't care. And for those parents that do care, it irritates the living day lights out of us and those around us!! :):)
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