Looking forward and looking back

To put into words all that is happening and what I am feeling is really escaping me...

As my time in Los Angeles wraps up, I am so busy I almost can't think about what this weekend brings. A new town, a new way of doing my job, new friends (while maintaining the old ones of course!), new opportunities. It's just exciting...mixed in with sad. But mainly exciting.

There are definitely things I will miss about LA. I have almost been here 6 years and I have changed so much in that time. Molly at 24 and Molly at 30 are very different creatures. :)

My first LA months were quite scary but also kind of fun. I knew one other person here because KT was still in Atlanta working on a movie. Rada (thank God, I had you!) and I would sit on our air mattress in our living room and watch Buffy dvds at night because we were new to the city, poor, and had no furniture. haha. But we made some great memories.

One of my favorite memories has to be when we went to see Live play in Pomona at the fairgrounds about 2 1/2 weeks after we moved to LA. We first of all didn't know where Pomona was and took the wrong exit. Then we didn't realize we had to pay to park and also to get in to the fair even though we had free tickets to the show. We were late and had to run in cute shoes from the boonies of the parking lot. My tank top strap broke as we were in line and we had to figure out a way to "make it work" Tim Gunn style. Finally we arrived to pick up our tickets and passes...and they got Rada's last name wrong. No passes...doh! Luckily we found a familiar face and were taken to where we were supposed to be. That was our first night out in LA and we went to The Grafton and The Standard. Ah, the sunset strip. Ha. We were SUCH newbies. Chad greeted us with "Hey, I saw you guys...did you see me?!" Um, yeah--you were the one on stage holding the guitar. :) At The Standard a guy was realllly wanting to dance with Rada. But we were new and figured "safety in numbers" was a good motto to stick to. Both of us headed to the dance floor with our new friend Lawrence. Turns out it was a good choice as he was completely impressed that we were unemployed and moved to LA knowing no one. "You guys are DOING IT! That's AWESOME!!" was said about 10 times. Nice lil' ego boost. Ha, cracks me up even now to think about it.

Katie arrived in December and by that point I had had about 6 jobs. Now, to my credit--this was me working really hard to pay for my car insurance and rent and parking tickets. I'd wrecked my car 2 weeks in to living in LA and also accumulated numerous parking tickets (parking here is a nightmare and you literally have to read every detail to every street sign because each street has a different rule and possibly 6 different rules for different days). I was sooooo happy to finally have my sister out here with me!

But to explain more about the accident...here's a driving story for ya. So I am texting. And driving. Back in 2004 apparently this seemed ok. It's not. The traffic in front of me was moving...then it stopped. I stopped too. Just happened to stop because I ran into the car in front of me. Air bags deploy. Yellowy smelly powder fills my car and burns my thumb. Oh boo. Seriously?? I was also a block and half from my street. This car had only been mine for a year and some change. A few days later I am at the auto body shop getting some things out of my car and the State Farm assessment dude happens to be there too. He tells me they are going to total my car. And that the amount they are settling for is in fact less than what I still owe on the car. I am very upset and frustrated. I go out to my rental car and what do I see? A parking ticket. Boo!!!! I get in the car holding back tears and what is on the radio? Green Day "I walk alone"...that's it, I'm flat out bawling in my car saying to myself "I do walk alone...right now, I walk alone!" It was such a low frustrating point.

So all that to say...look how far I've come! I conquered this town! (With a lot of help from above and on earth :)). After a year and a half of thankless jobs including Starbucks (which I actually loved), a management job that ate my soul, a nanny job for a drug addict who bounced my paychecks, dog-walking for BabyDuck, personal assisting for a friend (aka fake auditioning as James Gandolfini for an episode of "The Sopranos" on tape) and anything else I could fit in (babysitting, organizing, manual labor...) I landed a job that I loved.

And that is the job that I am "leaving" in 2 days. Thankfully, my boss loves me. Hooray! And he doesn't want anyone else. So he is keeping me on as his personal assistant--in the bay area. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to do what I want (move) while still doing what I want (my job!).

My time in LA has been filled with....

**adventures

**one crazy landlord

**too many concerts to count--Viper Room, the roxy, the Palladium, the greek, the key club, the cat club, The Glasshouse, hotel cafe...ah so many great nights!

**brunch--Hugo's, Home, Figaro, The Farm at the Grove, urth...gonna miss you!

**coffee dates

**nights out with friends

**job upon job upon job

**band boys--The Ruse, scb...now known as echo echo

**celebrity sightings that after about 2 weeks became as common as the iced vanilla soy latte in my hand (although my Scott Speedman experience caused me to lose my ability to speak)

**phone progression--a sidekick, then a blackberry, then an iphone

**my first apartment all by myself

**2 tattoos

**a butthead

**The Griffin

**sister nights--most often involving coffee too and probably a show

**a Nissan Altima...then a Ford Focus...then a Nissan Altima

**a busted ankle

**K-town karaoke

**LOTS of driving

**a wonderful boy I love

**so many amazing memories...

To all of my LA friends and to my sister, I am excited for this new chapter, but I am going to miss you! Come visit! Just give me a teeny bit of time to unpack and make things cute! :)

To all my LA experiences (yes, experiences can now read...), I wouldn't be who I am without you and for that, I am so thankful. Even the bumpy days have brought me to where I am, and I'm so happy that I can't complain for one single second.

The secret is out....

I'm moving out of Los Angeles after almost 6 years. Guess I need to change the name of this blog, huh? "Life in the Bay and other stories" still has a good ring to it, I think!

I'm quite proud of myself really. I'm awful at keeping secrets. If I get a gift for someone I almost always tell them I got them something before it even arrives in the mail. It's just so exciting!! :) But apart from a small handful, no one knew that I was moving.

This week has been pure craziness, but I'm really excited about the next chapter. About life in the bay area of San Francisco and all the new adventures. There is a path--I'm just not the one in charge of it. :)

Telling my bosses was the hardest part. I have loyalty issues. Thankfully, it is working out best for everyone. I'm going to continue kicking booty as a personal assistant who will now be in a long-distance relationship....but not with my love, with my boss! I think it will work out beautifully.

The pieces are falling into place in a way that I could never plan for myself. And again I say, I'm not in charge! ;)

High school reflection...

Sometimes I can't believe the things that happen. Someone told me once that I should write a book, but that people would think it was fiction. It's true. But those stories are for another post.

The path that my life has taken amazes me sometimes. I was just a chubby faced (still kind of am...) kid growing up in Muncie, Indiana. I rode bikes, climbed trees at Emerson, swam at Catalina, and liked to dig in the dirt. Then I grew up. I played volleyball (not all that well), was a cheerleader (so I could go to all the games and actually see my boyfriend outside of school), and studied hard to keep my GPA perfect.

On "The Good Wife" the other night, Alan Cummings' character said to a high school girl "Enjoy these days--high school really is the best time of your life." I sooooooooo don't agree. I had fun in high school. But I would not trade the knowledge and experience of adulthood to go back in time to being that insecure, lost little girl in high school! I found my worth in other people (yikes!). I didn't think I deserved to be loved selflessly. I didn't realize the kind of relationship I should seek out but rather lost myself in that other person who could never fully love me the way that I needed.

When things got rough at home, I turned further inward. I escaped. I ran away from those emotions and fears and spent time with my best friend at her house. I didn't know how to express myself so I made jokes. People laughed. I felt better. But worse at the same time. Keeping up that mask takes a lot out of a person.

I stumble into my old journals sometimes and am always back, looking at high school Molly in the mirror as I read those words that I wrote. One day it said "I didn't cry today!" with a smiley face written after it. Wow. It was apparently a huge accomplishment to not shed tears for a 24 hour period. That part of life I don't remember clearly. I know that I was hurt by my relationship and by being different (having parents who weren't together anymore).

Now, life is different. In the past two years I've forcefully made myself stop being a doormat. It has been liberating! I still randomly have golden retriever tendencies where I want to make everyone happy and at the end of the day I feel defeated. But those days are few and far between now. Life is too short to be unhappy! I'm ridding my life of negativity. And that feels good...and positive. :)

next to normal trip with a miracle worker that rocked the ages

I loved walking around New York. Just nice to have a city that functions so well with walking. LA...not so much. However, I made the discovery that I get really motion sick on the subway if I have to stand up. This shouldn't have been surprising. I get motion sick on curvy roads if I'm not driving. Or in movies if I'm too close to the screen and there's a lot of movement. But whoa, this was bad. We'd done the red eye so after 3 hours of cramped sleep and a latte the subway just didn't agree with me. Once some commuters got off and I could sit, it was much better. For awhile there I just figured that if I had to run off the train to throw up people would just assume I had a CRAZY st. patrick's day celebration. ;)

We lost the lottery but got rush tickets to see Rock of Ages. The last time we saw it was in 2006 in LA so it was great to see it on Broadway! And why, yes, yes it is absurdly enjoyable. KT and I had to get the audience going a little in our section. They seemed slow to hold up their lighters and get into it! But we got them there...eventually. :)
Got to spend a day in Brooklyn (a great sunny day I might add) exploring and walking around with Kathryn. Even took some time out for a hipster photo shoot.
We won the lottery and got tix to see my frenemy in The Miracle Worker. It goes against my nature to say this, but she did a great job. And it was a nice surprise to be front row for $26 for my first Broadway experience ever. Not too shabby. Shabby Abbie...hmm, I like that. :)
KT dropped off her census form in NY just to mess with them. And to also be a good citizen.

Tourists? No way. We don't even consult maps. We just look in 3 different directions and go!
MOMA---Tim Burton exhibit. Very cool to see the progression of his sketches and drawings through high school into the present. "Surviving Burbank" cracked me up however as a title for some of his younger works. Um, Burbank is pretty lush. :) Rough life. Ha. There is also a woman there doing a performance type piece. Not sure if that's what it should even be called. She's going to sit there for a total of over 700 hours---all the hours the museum is open. Patrons can sit across from her if the seat is open. But yeah, she just sits. And stares. While sitting. Um...ok. Whatever floats your boat! :)

After Rock of Ages we grabbed dinner with Tom. Was great to get to see him be "Franz" again with such flair. And that mac n' cheese I ordered was top-notch!

We caught Next to Normal on Sunday--great show! Beautiful songs and a fun simple set. Box seats from the lottery---$25. Love it.

As a lover of the show Felicity, I of course had to make a stop at Dean & Deluca. And of course it looks absolutely nothing like the Dean & Deluca from the show since that was a set...and in Los Angeles. :) Details, details. I went and that's what matters! Was sad to see that my boyfriend, Ben Covington (aka Scott Speedman) wasn't working. ;) So all in all, our trip was relaxed but filled with fun activity. 3 shows, 4 1/2 days, 2 flights, many subway rides and about 50,000 clicks on the pedometer! Oh, and a lot of coffee.

The Big Apple

New York, Newwwwww York!

Tired. Packed. Missing doggie already. But I know he is in capable hands while I'm away. :)

And I'm excited to take my first just for me vacation longer than a weekend that doesn't include a wedding, a family visit, or a strict schedule (the first two of those are great---just usually doesn't feel like vacation).

So it's off to NYC for the first time...as soon as I'm done with work.

I did it again...

I have this habit of taking out my debit card and putting it in my back pants pocket when I just don't feel like carrying a purse. I did this last night for dinner with the boy. Picked up the mail, and ran in for a quick coffee this morning and opened my wallet to realize that my debit card is still in my jeans' pocket. Boo!

I told the manager at Starbucks, Carlos (who knows my drink and was already in the process of making it) that I had to go try to find my card and ran to my car to get quarters. I know, I know---pathetic, right? But COFFEE WAS A MUST. So I came back in with my quarters and he laughed at me and said I didn't need to pay. My drink was ready and I thanked him profusely.

By the door, I turned around and said, "If I'd known it was going to be free, I would have ordered the lobster latte!" He laughed. Thanks, Carlos!

Just call me Grace

I am clumsy. I'm not going to "grow out of it" seeing as I'm now 30 and still as clumsy as ever. Somehow even though I've had my car for almost 2 years I will randomly allow the door to slam shut on my shin as I'm getting out. I have also managed to hit my shoulder on the pointy top part of my driver's side door. This morning I parked in the garage at work because of street sweeping and had 2 boxes, mail, my purse, a bag, and a coffee. I thought I had it all handled and went to pick up my coffee from the top of the trunk. It was on its side. Sigh. Half a latte down the drain (more like down the back of my car and on the driveway).

When these things happen, I often talk to myself. "Really, Molly?!!" is a favorite. Sometimes I just wish I'd learned a little grace. But I was a swimmer, not a dancer. Guess I'm graceful in the water...or I used to be. ;)