The special mascara...

I haven't worn it since August 20, 2011...the day we got married.  It is of course waterproof.  I anticipated that I could possibly be a blubbering mess on my wedding day.  Instead, happiness took over, and I think the only tear that fell was one dramatic one down one cheek (great effect!).  But I was prepared just in case!

Yesterday as I got up and got ready for our ultrasound for the baby I was a bit nervous.  We hadn't had one yet so all we had heard up until yesterday was that lub-dub of the baby heartbeat.  I was anxious to see that little face and all the pieces and parts...and to know if we were having a little boy Bean or a little girl Bean.  I put on minimal make-up (per usual) and then thought..."hmmm, I know I have waterproof mascara somewhere!"  Good call, Momma!

Let me just say, technology though it has its downfalls (i.e. everyone staring at the phone in their hand and not the person they are with) can be AMAZING!  The first glimpse of that little bundle in my tummy made my heart soar.

The technician was quick and thorough and also warm...perfect combo for this sort of thing especially for first-time parents!  When she said, "Looks like you are having a little girl!" my eyes got all watery.  Thank God for that mascara!  And thank Covergirl or Maybelline or whoever made it too.  

As Cooper held my hand, we both just stared in amazement as our little girl scooted around on the screen.  She was all over the place (as much as one can be in a confined space).  The technician even called her a "little stinker" because she was trying to get a good picture of one of the chambers of the heart and baby was doing somersaults and making it tough.  But eventually she got what she was looking for, and she told us that everything looks really good.  :)  Hooray and hallelujah!  And now Cooper knows I'm not lying when I say she is moving all over the place in there. :)

We feel so happy and blessed to be the parents of this tiny gift and can't wait for what is to come!  In this picture, she almost looks like she has little hooves.  But it's an illusion, Michael! (for those Arrested Development fans out there...).  

We love you, baby girl!  Can't wait to meet you...but we will.  You stay cooking in there and keep on growing!  She is 10 oz. already (ahead of what my apps say).  Overachiever already.  

Here we are, the proud parents.  It was an amazing day.  And I know we have many more ahead of us.  

Last night we celebrated with a family bbq and had a great time.  Thanks for sharing in our joy, family! :)

Back around the time of our first appointment (10 weeks, I think), C went to the park with the dogs and one of our friends.  As the boys ran around, a balloon coasted over towards them.  It had no string attached and there was no one around.  He brought it home to me and it said...

And it is now displayed proudly on our fridge with the rest of the pictures from yesterday.  Now it's time to decide on what colors to go with for our already green nursery!  Fun fun.  We love you, baby! (I'm assuming my baby can read as it is my child and I was an obsessed reader).

"Today was the WORST DAY EVER! My life is over!"--jr. high Molly

I have said it many times: I am SO incredibly glad that facebook was not around when I was in junior high and high school.  That time of life is so difficult.  I was part of a trifecta in jr. high.  I had two best friends.  Oh man, that is tough.  We would go back and forth asking each other who was the #1 best friend.  Ha.  It seemed to change daily, and there were many tears and hurt feelings during those days.  Thankfully those girls are my life-long friends, and I love them both dearly.  We made it through and none of us care anymore who is #1!~ :)

Then there are love relationships.  Being in a small Christian school it seemed like everyone knew everyone's business (or at least they thought they did....;)) and that would have only been compounded if we had had access to facebook!  I read my old journals every time I move and am highly entertained by the drama they contain.  But those are just for me, and no one else is fully privy to my immature outlook on life and what I deemed to be "important."

My jr. high and high school problems make me laugh now.  Will I look at earth with that same viewpoint when I finally get to talk to God face-to-face?  I thought of that the other day.  The drama, the questions I had, all the "problems" of this life...will they even seem important when I am a fully mature Christian able to talk to Him?  I think not.  Perspectives shift as we get older.  We realize that friendships are amazing, but that being someone's #1 doesn't matter as much as knowing that when you need to talk to somebody that person will be there for you.  Your boyfriend letting another girl wear his jacket doesn't ruin your day (oh many a day of mine was ruined by that...haha).  There are many things that I don't understand about this world.  The "whys" can overwhelm a person....but my perspective is shifting.  I'm leaving behind my jr. high mentality and letting (ha) God take over.  Oh wait, that's not my job and I have no control...right, I forgot.

It is refreshing to know that we don't have to have all the answers.  It is enough to know that God IS the answer.

Paw print autographs available upon request...

This is just a preview but I do have to say that I am so impressed by Arthur's skills.  I randomly submitted him and Moses to an online contest for our local free events paper which is called The Source Weekly.  A month later I got an email saying they were picked for a photo shoot to be in the issue!

They did great at the shoot--only took the guy 20 minutes to get about 100 pictures of them being silly and adorably boxer-like.  :)  I emailed my contact to find out when the issue comes out, and she told me that our "old guy" was picked to be a half page ad for the upcoming Best Of issue.  We were crazy dog parents and looked for it at multiple places before we found the issue and man, I just have to say that this dog rules.  He sat on that big red pillow on his own and crossed his paws.  Such a natural.  Ha!  Toddlers and Tiaras, here we come (kidding).

A new role

Mommy!

This is the role I feel like God made me for.  Seriously.  I mean, I figure since the majority of my post-college life has included watching and caring for and loving other people's children, it only makes sense that now it is my turn to watch and care for and love my own little human!

If you had asked me in college, I probably would have said I would be married by 25 and have multiple babies by now.  But that's just not how things went.  And honestly, I am so glad to have had those growing years on my own figuring out who I am and the world around me...and being (mostly) patient until I met Cooper in 2008.  <3

My grandma Gerty loved being a mom and a grandma.  My mom loved being a mom and now loves being a grandma.  I come by this deep desire within myself quite honestly.  It is such a blessing to be here now on the cusp of motherhood.

We found out on Memorial Day that I was pregnant.  The funny part is that even though I've wanted this for as long as I can remember, I still showed Cooper the pregnancy test and then said the only thing that came to mind..."yikes."  Ha.  Something about the reality of a tiny baby growing inside of me made everything feel very real very fast.  We headed off to a bbq with this little secret (which didn't stay a secret very long since a friend who knew we were headed to baby-dom asked me "are you pregnant yet?" and my face proclaimed the answer loudly to her even without saying a word). :)  But she kept the secret for us.

I have been feeling great and am already almost to the second trimester.  Hearing the heartbeat was one of the best experiences in my life.  It is nice to feel like you are not just chubby but that there is an actual little person in there. ;)

We are super excited about this new chapter.  I'm trying to prepare our furry creatures for their new tiny playmate slowly. :)  We are working with Moses on being aware of his paws a little more.  Baby steps.

For now, we are calling the baby Bean and are greatly looking forward to finding out if we will be having a boy or a girl.  Here is the announcement my uber-talented guy made for us to share our news.



And if I'd had more time or energy, I'd always hoped to re-create this amazing commercial from oh so long ago to announce my pregnancy.  Anyone else remember it?  KT and I still know all the words.  It is so awful and entertaining. :)

All things bright and beautiful

Oh the love of a dog.  There are those who love lizards.  And those who are "cat people."  Some people feel most alive when they are around horses (sidenote: watch the documentary "Buck" if you get the chance--inspiring and well-done).  Back to my point, I am a dog person.  I like cats.  I talk to any animal I see practically thinking I can become its friend.  But at the heart of it all, I love my dog.  And other dogs.  Little furry creatures that wag their tails.  Love them.

In California, C and I talked about getting another dog to keep Arthur company and to love on.  We even went to a shelter there.  Unfortunately, the dog we had our hearts set on was not a good match for Art.  I blame part of this on the environment in which the dogs met (picture: metal fencing, dirt, bad smells).  It felt like a prison yard, and both dogs acted like it was in fact a prison yard.  So we put a new doggie out of our minds for a bit when that didn't work out.

When we moved to Bend, we started talking about it again.  A little time had passed, we felt situated in our new house and area, and it seemed like the right time.  We visited the Humane Society one Friday evening and immediately put our names down for a sweet girl we met there.  That didn't work out either.  Someone else had their name down and had 24 hours to decide...and they decided she would complete their family.  Great news for them, slightly sad news for us.

But I know this all happened because we were meant to have a certain animal come into our lives.  In February, we started looking for a boxer online.  Arthur has been amazing, and I know the breed pretty well from hanging with my brindle buddy for the last 8 years.  There was a rescue...but it was 5 hours north in WA.  I of course wanted about 10 of their boxers when I started looking at the pictures, but we settled on a younger guy that the head of the rescue thought would work well for us.  At the time, his name was Harley...and these are a couple of pictures we saw of him on their site.





We made sure that we would not be making a 5 hour drive one-way to find out he wasn't a good match with Arthur (and they assured us he was mellow and sweet).  So we did it!  We drove the 5 hours to Ellensburg, WA and met our new buddy.  He was and is adorable.  The drive home I sat in the back with both dogs and cuddled with my new furry friend.

I knew I would like having two dogs, but really I had no idea how much I would like it.  We changed his name because it just didn't seem to fit him and because he was only 10 months old we knew with a little repetition he'd be just fine adjusting.  To be honest, he didn't really respond to his given name anyway.  Ha.  It felt a bit like naming a baby.  I have a thing for old man names when it comes to dogs. Obviously with Arthur, his name is just perfect for his personality.  We must have listed off 30 old man names and couldn't really agree on anything that fit our new guy until the morning after we got him.  We were on our first family walk and Cooper said, "What about Moses?"  PERFECT!  It fits him so well, he reminds me of a mellow old dude and it goes well with Arthur.

I am so happy that we rescued a boxer and have grown so attached to this guy in such a short time.  We got him February 22nd and yet it feels like he has always been with us.  Here are our fellows (who are great pals now...Art took a day or so to really love on Moses, but since then it's been no turning back).  I think his main issue was just jealousy since he'd been the only doggie we focused on for so long.  But I knew he would love him quickly and I was right!!  Life with two dogs is indeed bright and beautiful.


One of the only times Moses was naughty...he's really been a good boy for being less than a year when we got him.  This cracked us up though.  He was being told "no" and just rolled over to look cute. :)

 At the top of Pilot Butte after our hike with our buddies Joe and Jen who were in town from the bay area.  Gorgeous day, and the dogs did great!

 Arthur has a method for getting the tennis ball back from Moses.  He sits on him.  We have video of him doing this about 5 times within a minute.  It is hilarious to watch.  And it usually works.  Eventually Moses spits out the tennis ball. :)

We love our guys, and we love our life!  The rescue calls boxers "wiggle butts" and it is truly accurate. Their little faces are so expressive and because they lack more than a nubbin' of a tail their whole back half wiggles when they see us.  Unconditional love wrapped up in jowels,  nubbins and faces I just can't resist.  :)

In honor of Nettie

Today the verdict came in. GUILTY.

Waves of relief flooded over people in the courtroom and all over a collective sigh happened I'm sure as the news spread. I was not there. I'm in Oregon, thousands of miles away. But I still feel connected to the family, to Nettie's friends. There has been such a united front of support this entire time, and it is a blessing from above.

It is not a happy time. It is not something anyone should have to experience. It is not something anyone should be prepared for because it is a terrible, horrible thing.

I have found myself looking inward lately. Wondering why I feel so strongly about this. I hadn't seen Nettie in a decade at least. The reason I have stumbled upon is this: Nettie was a good person. I said it in my previous blog about her. Everyone liked her. That is why it rocked us to the core to see someone like that taken from us. It makes no sense. And it will never make sense as it was wrong and evil to take her from this life.

I am happy to know that the family can start down the road to closure. They will ALWAYS miss Nettie because she was the kind of person that you miss (I typed "is" first...strange how the mind does that). The important thing now is that they continue to feel loved and supported, and I have no doubt that they will. I'm proud to be a part of a community who has rallied around in prayer and love for the Petersons. I am thankful that the trial has concluded in this way. And I am proud to say that Nettie was my friend.

Words, words, words

Everywhere I look there are words. Every t-shirt in the stores seems to say something. Anyone tried to buy baby clothes lately? "Daddy's little princess" and "Mommy's little slugger" dominate. But it is getting more and more difficult to find something that is just a classic outfit without it saying something.

The same goes for artwork. We are so into words. It is interesting to me that this trend comes at a time when it seems like people are reading less and using incorrect English more. Words are abbreviated for the sake of speed. "Totes" is no longer considered to be a couple of small bags you might take on a trip. "Amazeballs" makes sense to people, and it is not even a word. (Yes I realize this is not in fact a shortened word, it is just made up and proves the point for me anyway).

I'm challenging myself to read more in the coming months. It calms my mind. It makes me smarter (well, depending on the book...the Brontes will always help me learn new words!). And if I'm going to buy a piece of artwork that says "All because two people fell in love..." (which I'm not, ever) I should at least also open up a book and be inspired by words there.

Husbands are smart...repeat after me

So there's this new switch in advertising. Maybe it's been slow. Or maybe it happened overnight. I don't really know. Brian Regan talks about it in his stand-up and that just might be what got me thinking about it originally. Then Cooper started to point it out when we we would watch a commercial (not often really in this DVR age, but it happens).

The switch is this: men are made to look like idiots...most of the time. Have you noticed this? It's in yogurt commercials. "Yeah, I have lost weight--I eat key lime pie, Boston cream pie..." the man says while he is on the phone. His wife looks over from the fridge with an expression that says "You're so dumb" and then literally says to him in a disapproving voice, "honey..." and he hangs up the phone with a guilty expression. There's the vacuum ad where the husband is trying to do something with the blinds on a ladder and starts to fall out the window. Luckily the wife can suck him back in with the end of the vacuum hose! Because she is the wife. And gosh, her husband is stupid! Last night Cooper and I just looked at each other without even having to say anything after a Papa Murphy's commercial. The all-American family is sitting down for a nice dinner outside. Dad is on the grill. And oh my, that grill is just smoking because dear ol' Dad obviously doesn't know what he is doing. He looks just so silly over the charcoal grill. The wife looks over, exasperated. Thank goodness there is Papa Murphy's to come in and save the day as the worker comes up to the table with a fully-cooked (absolutely disgusting-looking) cheeseburger pizza complete with pickles. Yay! The family will be able to eat after all! One more quick camera sweep over to the stupid husband/father and the commercial is done. He is still trying to fan away ALL that smoke.

Honestly it bothers me. It bothers men. Men need to know they are trusted, respected, believed in. It is a hard thing to do sometimes. But it's these little things like advertising (really a BIG thing as it has been proven) that creep into our brains in the moments when we need to stand behind our husbands. Dangerous territory to think that I can handle everything and clean up ALL his mistakes (because oh man, there will be so many according to tv).

Brian Regan's stand-up line is "My husband is SOOOO stupid." And that truly is what these commercials are depicting more often than not. I completely understand that women do many many things around the house just by sheer habit or necessity. But personally, I could not have fixed my own brake pads the other night (thanks, honey!). It might be hard to remember to encourage, but I know I need encouragement and husbands (men in general!) do too. If we all work on showing respect to one another, I think (I hope) this kind of advertising will move on because it won't be funny and it won't sell. I love my men...the furry ones included. :) And I'm thankful for the things that we do for one another. We fill different roles. And both need to be encouraged and supported! :)

In an instant

In our new life in Bend, we have been very active. There is a dog park super close to the house, and it's good for Arthur and for us to go there and walk the trails. A week or two ago, we were at the park and noticed an older gentlemen having some trouble trying to wedge a boulder up off the path with a long pole. Cooper jogged up the hill to where he was and offered to help him. The two of them were able to get that boulder off the path and off to the side where it belonged. We chatted for a few minutes. The gentleman was named Bob and told us he was a volunteer who loved helping out at the park keeping the trails clear and the dogs happy. He had two little dogs with him and I even took a picture of the little one named Foxy because he had the cutest face. Foxy has obviously not been photographed as much as my poor animal because he kept moving and this was the least blurry shot I got of him.

Last week when we went I saw Foxy with a different man. I didn't really think much of it. But when Cooper went this week without me one morning, he told me there was a big tribute sign up about Bob. Apparently he passed away at the park while helping. :( How quickly life can change. It is always a good reminder that we are not guaranteed tomorrow. From our 5 minutes with Bob, I gathered that he loved to serve others and found joy in the simple things in life. That inspired me and will continue to.

Without You I'm just a lump

We woke up this morning with a blanket of snow, more than just the dustings we have been getting randomly. Exciting! :) This however meant my energy level was low all day. All I wanted to do was have a grilled cheese and soup and sit on the couch under a blanket. But there is always work to do, isn't there?

In the afternoon, C and I ran to Starbucks to get out of the house for a minute and got into a spiritual chat (as we like to do). I started rambling about something that has since formed itself into a little metaphor in my brain that I feel like sharing.

There is this part of us as Christians that knows we are not in control. Yes, we make choices with our free will and Lord knows we make mistakes. But at the end of the day with many of these issues we hold in our hands (in our own minds) the anxiety we feel is self-imposed because we are not in control of the outcome.

I started thinking about the potter and the clay. What a beautiful and practical illustration that truly is! I took a ceramics class in college, and I was JUST AWFUL at it. Ha. I had fun with a friend of mine who was also in the class, but the only pot I had to show from that entire semester was misshapen and ugly. My mother still has it, but that is just because she loves me and didn't want to be mean. We both know the truth. I digress. God is the potter. He is more talented than we can ascertain at the artistry of throwing a pot. He knows how much water to put on the wheel to get the clay to the proper consistency. He knows when to mold and shape and smooth his hands on the outside of the clay to make it into the cylinder He desires it to be when it reaches its full potential.

So why then do we as the lump of clay try to help ourselves form something? What can a lump of clay do without the hands of the artist? It is just a lump of clay. It does not even have hands. It can't (no matter how hard it tries) will itself to turn into a beautiful creation.

I don't mean to say that we just sit here and wait for God to do something with us. We work with Him when we feel those powerful hands. But when we yell at the Artist, "No, it's ok--I've got this!" He must just look at us and think "No, you NEED me." Because we do.

M is for Moving

I'm tired of moving. I didn't do much of it for 16 years, but I've made up for that now in adulthood!

The Journey of Me.....

Small beginnings in Muncie, Indiana--only moved when I was 16 temporarily to my grandma's for a couple of years. Then to an apt (sort of) for a minute with my mom before college.

Then it was off to inhabit English Hall at Taylor University for the next 3 1/2 years!  Room 337 was the one I was in sophomore-senior years with a different roommate each year.  Good memories!

The summer after my sophomore year I spent a month living in beautiful Highlands, NC with my buddy Katy.

In 2001, I lived in Englewood, FL for the summer with my friend Jenn and her parents. It was a blast and I enjoyed the better (albeit sweaty!) weather!

In January of 2002 when I was done at TU, I moved to the big city of Atlanta to throw myself into adulthood. Luckily my sister already lived there, and I wasn't too terribly overwhelmed (ok, I pretty much was). We moved twice in Atlanta.

After 2 1/2 years in Atlanta, it was time to spread my wings and explore the mean streets of Hollywood. This proved to be the most substantial move thus far in my life. I grew up abundantly, got a great job (after some not so great ones) that I'm still doing, and went to more concerts than I knew what to do with. I moved 4 times in LA.

In June of 2010 I made the move to the east bay, about 45 minutes outside of San Francisco. It was a rough year and a half honestly. Arthur had his major surgeries (ka-ching, ka-ching!). I got into a groove working a ton as a nanny on top of my assistant work that I did remotely. All in all, it was exhausting! But, Cooper and I took the plunge and got engaged in May 2011 and married on 8/20/11 in Monterey, CA so good things definitely came out of moving to that area. We made some awesome friends (this means you, Joe and Jen!) who we miss already!

And now here we are. Sigh. In beautiful Bend, Oregon. I haven't felt this content in a very long time. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It feels like I am meant to be here with my guy and my dog. Our house is wonderful (thank God for skype!). We didn't even see it before we got here. Now, that is a RISK...but it worked out wonderfully. We are happy and thankful and easing into a new way of life as Oregonians.

And I hope to not move again for a long long long time. :)

A Current Affair

I have been thinking about friendship as I sit here on this plane heading to Chicago to see my girls for our weekend (obviously, I am not currently sitting on the plane...but this is what I wrote as I was...). I seem to think about this quite often and write about it too, I suppose. But I think friendship is one of the most important gifts we have been given in this life.

True intimacy in relationships doesn't just happen. It takes work...but it can be so incredibly rewarding. Personally, I won't settle for surface relationships. Life is too short to not share who you really are with those you care about.

Our first spring break trip together--1999! Ft Lauderdale, FL

The friends I am headed to see have known me since I was 19. What a difference a decade can make (ok, ok, a decade plus 2)! But what I have learned you HAVE to do to keep that solid connection is that you have to stay CURRENT. Talking about the past, reminiscing, etc. are great, don't get me wrong. But that alone isn't enough to maintain a friendship through the years. You have to know about each other's lives NOW. As people we change daily. Thinking your friends stay exactly the same is completely unrealistic. Look in the emotional mirror and then let your friends fill you in on how they've grown up too.

Moving around like I have, I have had to make new friends quite a bit. When I first moved to LA, it felt as if the people I was meeting played "hard to get." People seemed gun shy or hurt by past friendships and relationships. This made it so much harder to go deeper with people. But one thing being at TU taught me was that community is crucial to life. It makes sense that we protect our hearts, but not at the expense of getting to know people.

Singing Backstreet Boys with complete choreography is a blast. Quoting "10 Things I hate About you"...also fun. But so is just sitting around, getting my girls' input on things I am struggling with. I have friends that I desperately want to be close with, but maybe they don't know how good it can be to be open and share who you are. And that holds us back from really truly connecting. It makes me sad that some people I know haven't let themselves have friendships like the ones I am blessed to have.

All I can say is that it's worth it. Push yourself and realize life can be fulfilling when you have people who know the real you doing life alongside you (even if they are thousands of miles away). So thankful for my friends! Girls, you challenge me and love me. It's priceless to know that I have you in my life.

So, I got married...

and it was awesome! It was just what we pictured and what we wanted. Arthur did an incredible job as our ring bearer. I had no idea how he'd do on sand, but he was a natural! Everything was relaxed and romantic. This new chapter is full of excitement and possibilities, and I'm enjoying all of those feelings! <3

First dance to our song "Inside of Love" on the beach

For the love of music....
The rings :)

Monterey, CA made for a perfect back-drop

The BEST ringbearer ever

Happiness

Officially a family! Very happy about it! :)

fun story from tonight

So tonight, 3 year old E is trying to cram her feet into a pair of too-small cowboy boots while she watches Jeopardy before bed. We all need a pair of boots on for tv viewing in bed, right??

Anyway, she manages to get the left boot on somehow but tells me "My toes are like this" and curls her fist up into a ball. Ya, thought that might happen. She asks for my help getting the other boot on but we can't manage to get it past her ankle properly. Our conversation follows.

E: How old are you?

me: 31

E: When is your birthday?

me: Remember, it's 2 days after yours. February 15th.

E: Oh. how old will you be then?

me: 32

E: do you think when you turn 32 you will be able to get this boot on for me?

Ahhahahahaha. I laughed hysterically and she looked at me as if to say, "Well, do ya?" :)

A life gone too soon

Yesterday I got terrible news. My friend from growing up, Nettie Peterson, had been murdered. She was shot and killed in the early morning hours. I couldn't believe it. It began to sink in, and all day I was in a sort of daze. This is the type of thing you hear about...but is the type of thing you don't imagine happening to someone you know.

Nettie was the type of person everyone loved. And I'm not just saying that. Our school, HHCS, was small--I had a class of 24 and that was BIG. Everyone knew everyone and had for years. Nettie's laugh was infectious, and she was always smiling. People say flippantly "her smile could light up the room" but with Nettie that statement is completely true. Looking through her pictures on facebook yesterday, it was clear she always made it a point to put on a happy face. Her blue eyes sparkling and a big ol' grin on her face...that is how I will remember her.

I woke up at 5:23 am this morning and found myself wide awake for an hour just thinking about Nettie and praying for her family. Our family had 3 girls, me being the youngest; their family had 3 girls with Nettie as the youngest. In jr. high, I have some great memories from sleepovers and movie nights with her. We even fought over the same boy...she won. :) If a jr. high friendship can survive that, I think it can survive anything. I found myself remembering her handwriting from the illegal notes we would pass in school in the hallways between classes. She had such pretty cursive handwriting--almost perfectly formed. I'm sure I probably even have some of her notes at my Mom's apartment in Muncie.

In the early morning hours, I realized I was thankful for Facebook. It has made me feel part of a community rallying around the Petersons and Nettie's kids. Even from the east bay outside of San Francisco, I feel like I am a part of supporting this family hurting back in Muncie, IN. That is special. It also gave me the chance to see and feel like I "knew" Nettie's children even though I never met them. She was in love with being a mom. It was clear throughout every post, every statement of pride about those kids. She loved her family with an intensity few possess. As sisters, they were like peas in a pod. Even in adulthood when life gets busy, I know without a doubt that they were not just sisters, but best friends. I can't even imagine the hurt that Natalie and Nici are feeling...as well as their kids at this loss. Emptiness.

I was also able to be a part of Nettie's life these last few years even though I haven't lived in Muncie since Feb. 2002. About 6 months ago when she was going through her separation, I sent her a message, reaching out. I remembered when our family imploded--how people often didn't know what to say, so they didn't say anything. It can be a very lonely time. I told Nettie that if she needed to chat at any time that I was there. We wrote back and forth a few times, but the gist of what she said was that she didn't feel alone because she had such a wonderful family. It was great to hear that!

It is so senseless. My mind doesn't even really know what to do with the news articles and details coming out. All I know to do is to pray for everyone involved that God would heal their hearts and comfort them. Absolutely everyone involved is hurting right now. I'm frustrated over the tiny detail that they keep calling her by her legal first name, Lisa, in all the news articles. It's just not her if you use that name. But I know that doesn't matter. What matters is that she is at peace. The hurt is for us here left behind. Even if you don't know them, please say a prayer over this situation. It cuts to the core for many many people.

Nettie, you will be missed by your HHCS community, your family, your work friends, and especially your children. But I am confident that your legacy will live on through them and that they will know that without a doubt, their mother was a strong, classy, funny, intelligent woman who loved them with all she had. So sorry you are gone, friend.

I love to laugh...ah ha ha ha!

A Cheerio smiley face--this is what I'm talking about

"I once knew a guy with a wooden leg named Smith"
"What's the name of his other leg??"


I really think that song in Mary Poppins had it right. Lately life has been a little heavy. It has been raining mucho. When I wake up and it's dark outside and then I walk out in the rain...oh Lordy, help me. Makes me want to curl up on the couch in a blanket with a cup of coffee and a good movie. But life goes on in the rain and in the sun.

I have been spending the majority of my awake hours with adorable children. And it is pretty much impossible to not spend a lot of that time laughing as we play with ridiculous toys (cue me thinking about a lady in a recording studio having to use such a sing-songy voice to sing "Old MacDonald" or whatever terrible song the toy plays) and crawl around the house. Imagination is a wonderful thing. Yesterday I played "wrong house". The premise of this is I knock on the door (to one of the rooms inside the house) and an adorable 3 year old girl answers. I ask for someone--yesterday it was "Ted." She says, "wrong house!" Isn't that enjoyable?? We played it for a long time. Ha. We also played "waitress." The highlight of that game was that my 3 year old waitress kept trying to stand on her head so it became a new game--"upside down waitress!" How can I stay gloomy when that is what my life is about? Ha.

Luckily also, I have a boy with a wild and vivid imagination that has pushed me to be much weirder and come up with very strange scenarios a lot of the time in conversation. Life may be heavy sometimes, but it is never never dull. :)

Another year, and I'm still here

I'm 31. Wait, that can't be right, can it? Ya, I guess it is. Born in 1980...31 in 2011.

This year was low-key and nice. We always did little bdays growing up. Mom would make a cake shaped like whatever we wanted and our grandparents would come over. Because KT and I have bdays 6 days apart we always celebrated together. This year, Mom mailed me the tablecloth she embroidered with all my cakes over the years.

The only cake I have a clear memory of is the 3 carrots when I turned...you guessed it, 3! :) I think KT had a rabbit so my carrots went along with that theme. We took the cakes to Grandma Gerty and Boppa's house to celebrate. Before I'd blown my candles out (honestly I don't think they'd even been lit yet), my Uncle Bob ate one of my carrots. THE WHOLE THING! I was inconsolable. For a 3 year old, that was probably one of the worst things an adult could do. I remember saying to my mom, "But I'm not 2, I'm 3! 2 carrots doesn't work." Bad move, Bob...bad move. Obviously I've gotten over it 28 years later. Ha.

I like this quote about age:

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."

-Billie Burke, actress

or

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

-Mark Twain

Life is happy, and even when it's not, I am happy. There is love all around me...just like in Love Actually. :) Just look at the tiny snowman C made in Tahoe. Seconds after this photo, I was viciously hit with aforementioned snowman. :)

This hat was for sale in the grocery store. We did not buy it. But doesn't it look smashing?

Beautiful Tahoe. I've said it before, and I'll say it again--I will never tire of looking at mountains as a kid raised in the land of flat (aka Indiana). They are amazing and breathtaking.

A boy and his dog. The water was gorgeous. C almost fell in when a pile of rocks he was playing on slid. But he jumped to safety and remained dry. :)

dinner out at a new restaurant with some friends. The waitress botched the cake surprise, but we still had a great time!